Live to Die
by Punk Knut
Summary: Hermione feels no-one understands her. It's her 6th Year at Hogwarts and over the summer she made some major changes to herself, but will her friends understand? Apparently not. In her frustration, Hermione can find only one solution. She realises she's l
1. A snip and a cranky snap

Live to Die:: Chapter One  
  
Summary: Hermione feels no-one understands her. It's her 6th Year at Hogwarts and over the summer she made some major changes to herself, but will her friends understand? Apparently not. In her frustration, Hermione can find only one solution. She realises she's lived to die.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't know any of the characters, places or anything, it's all The Great Goddess, aka J.K.  
  
Warnings: Suicide and foul language, etc.  
  
***  
  
Looking in her mirror Hermione couldn't believe what she saw. A prissy goodie-two-shoes, teachers-pet. "How did I let myself become like this?" She asked herself in a whisper as she pulled a pair of scissors from her drawer.  
  
She looked around, none of her room-mates her around, she had to do this now or never. She didn't know how much longer she could stand looking like that.  
  
Taking the scissors to her hair she slowly cut it at short jagged lengths, which hung half-way to her shoulders and below her chin. She collected up the hair and placed it in a purple silk bag, and disposed of it in her drawer, which the scissors.  
  
Reaching into the second drawer she found the kohl eye-liner her mother had given her for last christmas, and the blackest-black mascara her aunt had sent before she left for her fifth year at Hogwarts.  
  
Slowly, but carefully, she traced a line of think kohl over her upper- eyelashes, then under her lower-lashes, on both eyes. Taking the mascara she carefully lengthened her lashes.  
  
Digging into her final drawer she retrieved the only lipgloss she processed. It was a vanilla-flavoured, misty-white sponge-on-gloss. She quickly applied this and took up her brush, smoothing down her short, wet hair, then applying a strong amount of moose and putting everything away.  
  
Sighing as she looked at herself in the mirror. She had an unusual-creative- goth kind of look going for her.  
  
"My hair is too light," She mumbled as she ran a hand through her chestnut hair, thinking that it would look better in black. "I'll have to look up a hair-dying potion, the next Hogsmeade trip isn't for weeks."  
  
She picked up her book bag and left the room as the end-of-lunch bell rang. She was going to be really late for Transfiguration, well she could hope to be at least.  
  
Entering the Transfiguration, just behind McGonagall, she sighed. "And here I was hoping to be late," She mumbled to herself, so that no-one could hear.  
  
As she walked to the very last seat, which was next to Neville Longbottom, every eye in the room turned to stare at her, not including McGonagall.  
  
She lazily dumped her tranfiguration materials on her desk and leant back in her chair.  
  
"H-Hermione, w-w-what happened to y-you?" Neville asked, eyes wide.  
  
"Nothing," Hermione said, not looking at him.  
  
"B-But your face, and your hair?" Neville continued.  
  
"What about it?" Hermione snapped, glaring at him. "Just lay of Neville, ok?"  
  
Neville sat, lips pursed together, tightly. Slowly he edged his chair as far away from her as it could allow without him sitting in the aisle.  
  
Hermione ignored him. She figured people would be like this, it was only the first day of school, this was her change. Parvati had cut her hair, well her hair-dresser had. Just because Hermione did hers so she could be different, doesn't mean anything "happened" to her.  
  
The class went slower than Hermione expected. When you weren't playing attention the time really slows down. And with everyone staring at her, she found it almost uncomfortable.  
  
Smiling waidely as the end-of-class bell finally rung, she shoved her school things into her back and rushed out of the classroom, as everyone else was doing. It felt so much better than being the last to leave because you had to write down every single word McGonagall had scribbled on that stupid-ass board.  
  
Harry and Ron caught up with her outside the classroom. Both goggled as if they decided to become fish.  
  
"You know if you both just lived in water you'd resemble Crookshanks favourite food," I drawled, in an off-hand kind of way, making my way to Care of Magical Creatures.  
  
"Hermione, your- your hair? It's- it's short," Harry finally got in as they left the castle, on their way to Hagrid's Hut. Hermione seemed to be oblivious to the fact that the only human-being who were coming within five metres of her were her two best friends.  
  
"And your... face, its..." Ron began.  
  
"Different," Hermione filled in and picked up her pace, not really wanting to talk at that moment.  
  
They reached Hagrid's Hut, Hagrid was already outside, explaining their latest "cuddly creature."  
  
"Hey Harry, where's Hermione?" Hagrid asked as he passed their table. Hermione looked up at him from underneath her jagged cuts.  
  
"Here Hagrid," Hermione said softly, not in her usual voice.  
  
Hagrid's eyes widened. "Hermione wha' have ya done ter yaself?" He asked, shocked.  
  
"Nothing," Hermione said, taking up her sheet and moving to a spot where she could be alone. She heard whispers as she walked to the nearest tree and leant against it.  
  
She'd been there by herself for a while when a familar, annoying voice sounded near. "Hey mudblood," Draco Malfoy said loudly, so most could hear.  
  
"Yes, Malfoy?" Hermione asked, looking up at him, a death-stare marking her face, which seemed to be intensified by her make-up.  
  
"Gee Granger, that's almost a good look for you," Malfoy joked, earning the laughs he wanted from his stupid cronies.  
  
"I would say the same about you Malfoy, but I can't lie. You'll never look good," Hermione shot coolly.  
  
Malfoy stopped laughing and glared. "How dare you-" He began to threatened.  
  
Hermione raised her wand at him. "Ah-uh," She shook her wand at him, as if it were a finger. "Malfoy, we all know I'm smarter than you, faster than you and I have a wider vocabulary than you. Why don't you just back down while you're this far behind?"  
  
Gryffindors laughed, though Hermione wasn't searching for laughs as Malfoy was.  
  
Malfoy pulled out his wand, and pointed it at Hermione.  
  
Hermione yawned, whispered a few words and flicked her wand, sending Malfoy twenty feet into the air.  
  
"Granger, put me down," Malfoy snapped, getting frustrated as he couldn't shake off her spell.  
  
"Hmmm..." Hermione pretended to think. "No."  
  
The class, Slytherins and Gryffidors alike, laughed as Malfoy struggled. Hermione yawned again and lowered Malfoy to ten feet. "Apologise," She said, teasing.  
  
Malfoy spat at her, which she reversed to land on his face, earning more laughs. Malfoy turned beet-red.  
  
"Hermione?" Hagrid asked, looking shocked at her stunning behaviour.  
  
"Yes?" Hermione asked, not taking her eyes from Malfoy's ice-blue ones.  
  
"Miss Granger, lower than boy immediately," came the violent ordering voice of Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress.  
  
***  
  
So what did you think? Trash? I'm not gunna make excuses, think what you wanna. I know Hermione is still alive, I bet that's what you're thinking. Well ya, I'll kill her soon ok, promise.  
  
Ps: To all you Hermione-fans, I'm not killing Hermione coz I hate her or anything, its just do you know how many Ginny-suicides there are? I just like the Hermione-suicides so much more, don't you?  
  
Anyway review if you wanna, love Thai xox 


	2. Me, Myself and I

Live to Die: Chapter Two  
  
***  
  
A/N: Ok everything I really need to say will be said after I finish the story, I hate keeping people waiting when what they wanna see is my story not my boring author's notes. In future anything you ask in a review will be answered in my special thanks, well enough from me, on with the story.  
  
((Disclaimer: See chapter b4))  
  
***  
  
"Professor, how nice to see you," Hermione said in a fake cheery voice, not realising Malfoy.  
  
McGonagall came to a stop next to Hermione.  
  
"Miss Granger, put him down, NOW!"  
  
"As you wish, Professor," Hermione said, the tone not dropping from her voice. She whispered a few words, flicked her wand again and Draco came slamming to the ground, landing in an uncomfortable heap. Hermione grin at him coolly.  
  
"Miss Granger, Why is it that you were floating Mr Malfoy?" McGonagall enquired.  
  
Hermione shrugged. "Felt like it."  
  
"You felt like it?" McGonagall repeated, her eyes resting on Hermione's change of appearance.  
  
"You make it sound like it's hard to comprehend," Hermione in a smart-ass tone.  
  
McGonagall scowled. "What did you say, Miss Granger?"  
  
Hermione repeated what she had said word for word. The class was stunned, their teacher along with them. No-one knew what had gotten into the normally quiet and poliet Hermione.  
  
First she cut her hair, then she levitated Malfoy twenty feet in the air, now she's back-chatting to McGonagall, the Deputy Headmistress. Had she gone insane?  
  
"Miss Granger, what has gotten into you?"  
  
Hermione shrugged. "Hormones?" She said off-handedly and began walking back to the castle.  
  
"Miss Granger, where are you going?"  
  
Hermione shrugged. "Your voice is annoying, plus I skipped lunch. I'm getting something to eat."  
  
Hermione casually walked away as her on-lookers gapped as Harry and Ron had not so long ago.  
  
---  
  
Hermione entered Gryffindor Common Room, an hour or so later, to find Ron, Harry and Ginny sitting in armchair waiting for something.  
  
Ginny glanced in her direction not expecting it to be her and a scream emitted from her mouth, quickly she laid her hands over it. "Sorry," She murmured through her mouths guard.  
  
Hermione raised an eyebrow and took a seat next to Harry, which gave her a seat right by the fire.  
  
"So, who are you all waiting for?" She asked, taking a bite out of a chocolate filled pastry the house elves had given her not so long ago.  
  
"You," Harry said turning to glare at her.  
  
"Re'lly?" Hermione asked, her mouth full of chocolate. "Why?"  
  
"Why?" Ron exploded. "You should have seem McGongall, she was redder than the time Neville transfigured her dress into a clown suit."  
  
Hermione laughed. "Ah.. fun times."  
  
"This isn't funny Hermione," Harry pointed out. "This is serious."  
  
"I know," Hermione said, before taking another bit of the pastry in her hand.  
  
Harry rubbed his temples as if he had a headache. He turned to Hermione, with the most calm she's seem in his face for- well since forever.  
  
"Hermione, please explain to me, why did you do this?"  
  
Hermione sighed. "You wouldn't understand."  
  
"Try me," Harry shot, getting comfortable.  
  
Hermione leant backwards. "Ok Harry, you think you'll get me?"  
  
Harry nodded.  
  
"Fine, Do you have any idea what it's like to be me?" She asked, although it wasn't really a question. "My mother and father look at me as if I'm one kind of angel, like I'm perfect. I'm not, ok, I'm just not. I'll never be perfect. I hate being such a goodie-two-shoes, I hate the way I looked. I just wanted to be me, the way I really am. No books, no smarts, just me."  
  
"But that IS who you are, books and all."  
  
"See my point Harry, you don't understand. I'm not just books and what you see. I'm different. I like to sit in the darkness and meditate," Hermione stated, "I like wearing this make-up, I like boys and music, I'm not like you think I am. I'm only like that because you guys don't understand the read me.  
  
"I came to Hogwarts and I wanted to get good grades like my cousins do at their muggle schools, to make my family proud. So I read all the books and tried really hard. And then I got labelled as well Me, the loser. I'm completely different, you're one of my closest friends and you can't even see the real me."  
  
Hermione jumped off the armchair, dropped everything on her lap and in her hands and walked off up the girl dormitoy, leaving a very confused, very stupid-looking Harry, Ron and Ginny on their seats.  
  
---  
  
I thought Harry and Ron would understand, I guess they don't. They just think I'm some kind of bookworn turned goth. I'm not a goth, I just like the way I look like this.  
  
Hermione threw herself on her four-poster bed. She wasn't going to cry, not like some ditsy-giggler who got dumped by her boyfriend. She could handle being alone. At least she hoped she could, because her friends weren't going to get it, so all she had was herself.  
  
"It's like they say, can't trust no one but me, myself and I," Hermione said to herself.  
  
***  
  
Well that's it, I know its short again but It's three am, cut me some slack ok?  
  
Review, but only if you wanna,  
  
Love Thai xox.  
  
Ps: For those of you who wish to discuss my story or just wanna talk to moi, the author my email's lady_honey45@hotmail.com  
  
***  
  
Special Thankies:  
  
Flipside: Ohhh!!! My first flame for this story, I love flames, ya I know that's weird but I do. First, I found it kind of confusing for you to flame my fic then say I'ma godd writer, which I thought was sweet, thank you. Ok my internet won't work so I'll have to try and remember what you said. You said something about geeks like skool or something. I wasn't having a go at geek if your like offended or anything, I just like the nasty, cool Hermione angle, I think its cute. And you said something about Hermione being a goth bitch, she's not a goth, I make sure I never put any kind of religion in my stories, I'm a firm athiest, it would be an insult to myself if I made her worship something, even if it is the devil. Anyway thanks for reading, add me to your msn and I can explain what you didn't see in why story if you like, I'd look forward to talking to one of my critics, I've become friends with alot of my old flamers. 


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